Sunshine and birdsong…

I won’t Lie…its been a difficult few weeks !

What with one thing and another I found I had forgotten something.

 

This morning it reached its climax…my beautiful dog became unwell and after a frantic couple of hours, a visit to our wonderful vet I found I could breath again.

When I arrived home, calm was what I needed; it was then I remembered what it was I had forgotten…self preservation !

I had misplaced it and the world decided to come calling in all its glory, stress hit me like a speeding train and it was then I had to re-implement my place in this world and what was important to me.

 

I stepped out into the garden and pulled up a chair, I sat; the sun drowning me in warmth, the sounds of bee’s humming all around; I closed my eyes for a few moments…my heart began to slow its pace, peace washed over me and I understood in that moment what was important.

People will be people and we all have our own way of being…on the odd occasion I lose sight of the things that keep me moving forward; my partner in life of thirty five years, my two dogs Maggie and Isla and a few splashes of beauty in the form of the roses that grow around our home.

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All the noise, drama, stress and deadlines can wait, I refuse to sacrifice the beauty of my family for things that quite honestly will come and go !

For a brief moment I am happy to push the pause button, if people can’t or won’t understand that this second or two of solitude is necessary then they will have to find their own way, but it won’t be at the cost of the things that fill my heart.

I sat back in the chair and listened to all the beautiful sounds around me, birds calling to each other, the occasional hum of a passing bee and the gentle warm breeze of the day.

I spoke quietly to the Universe and asked gently to please remind me where I put these things in future, no doubt there will be the odd time I do forget…but not today !

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Sometimes things don’t go to plan…

Its important to keep a firm grip on this particular leash !

As much as we try to plan, build and dare to dream…sometimes, just sometimes thing go awry.

We all make mistakes, lord knows I have a list as long as my arm to attest to that; but when others don’t live up to their word or shift the goal posts it can leave you disappointed…hurt even.

Like everything in life, there is a lesson here !

Being the better person and controlling the fallout is the best possible solution…do not let this thing run amok and ruin what was meant to be a wonderful experience; good things take time and the memory of this moment will fade quicker than you think.

Don’t let outside forces change you from being the person you are…retain your integrity even when others fail to…that is their journey, not your’s !

Understanding that words are often spoken without thought can be a difficult process to work through, we are all guilty at some point of platitudes and easy answers to satisfy and navigate a particular challenge…as long as this doesn’t become habit then blame can not be your focus; learning, understanding and knowledge must and will carry you further than any amount of finger pointing or judgement !

Like so many other experiences I shall shake it off and walk out into the day, nothing in this life will ever stop me for long…a moment of pause may not be a bad thing !

Understanding that sometimes things don’t go to plan teaches me more about myself than anything else in this world…and I am better for it.

This is who I am…

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For the longest time I stayed hidden for fear of judgment and enquiry…being english born, of Irish parents was a constant battle I would never win…those days are over !

I struggled to find a place to stand, attempting and failing at each and every turn to reinvent myself; identifying who I was…who I wanted to be had me following so many white rabbits down so many burrows that I soon lost sight of my way back.

Acceptance of my name was a battle fought over many years, schoolyard teasing and name calling pushed me into hiding places where I wouldn’t have to explain…until recently I didn’t realise that the shame and embarrassment was not mine to own !

As I sit here now,  I consider the motives of my parents, the why’s and wherefores…they wanted me to be different, as children growing up we all just want to blend.

I now claim this right of mine to stand out, yes my name is Dermot…it means “Free of Envy” which in itself carries great power and an ability to shift, move free of the shackles each of us burden ourselves with by wanting to be part of the group; one of the cool kids as it were !

I won’t shy away when you speak my name now, i’m not embarrassed, I honour the courage of my parents to claim this most important of starts in life…by exploring its origins I discovered its age, its heritage and now breath it in; celebrating my celtic birthright a name steeped in history, mythology and mystery.

To both my parents…I thank you; I understand now…this is who I am !

Manifestation in physical form…

book cover 1

 

When we dare to dream do we honestly appreciate that we which we ask for; in some cases beg for ?

For what seemed like an eternity my words have been captured on screen, residing within the pages of the world wide web for all to see, but always somewhat elusive…with so much noise out there in the universe I wonder if they will ever find their way ?

On the last day of October 2019 I received four hefty looking boxes, a mix of emotion filling me; do I dare open these cartons and inspect the contents ?

He handed me the first copy, the one person that has stood alongside me through this journey, this process, this experience and he seemed proud; something I have never really been comfortable with as I was always warned pride comes before a fall…not today it seems !

I held the pages for a moment unsure as to whether I dare look…tears fell from my eyes as I leafed through the pages, my words and images now looking back at me in solid form; emotion pouring from me.

book cover 2 I keep looking at the inside cover page, the place of my birth staring me in the face and I ponder the journey to this point…the twists and turns bringing me to the here and now !

For the longest time I feared this moment, being reminded I wasn’t good enough on so many occasions kept this prize just beyond my grasp. By being open, as honest as possible and above all vulnerable, the universe guided me.

I have found myself in the most unlikely of company and yet these people fostered and encouraged my self belief…I will never dismiss this as just part of the journey, the value of these souls is beyond measure and gratitude will never be enough…I am deeply moved by those around me; for seeing in me that which evaded me for so long.

So if there is a lesson here it is this !

Never give up on a dream, allow those around you to offer assistance and bathe in the abundance that rains down upon you…in turn give back some of those riches and the universe will smile; their faith in you was justified !

The waiting game…

I glance down at my pocket watch and glance down again, I swear time hasn’t moved ?

wooden watch 1  Time it seems has its own rules and no matter what we do we can’t make it go faster. We often find ourselves in a place where nothing changes…its more of a mental thing than something physical; it speaks volumes about us as humans and the demands we place upon the world around us.

Its not easy being impatient, as much as I have attempted to remedy this behaviour there will always be a little left in the pot, a tiny twinge of wanting it NOW !

The more a person tries to force a thing, the more the universe sees fit to slow the process, nothing under the moon, the sun and the stars will alter this way of things…its a natural journey and must be taken slowly.

In the rare times I allow myself to watch flowers grow in the garden, I find myself observing the wonder of the tiniest of creatures…bee’s do not carry watches and don’t care about the time of day; they do on the other hand let the movement of the sun guide them, maybe for them their understanding of time is governed by a different set of rules.

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I understand I must release my grip and let things flow in a manner that will eventually bear fruit, I must trust in the process and know that the universe conspires to assist me at every turn; forcing me to wait could be a good thing.

So I resign myself to playing the game today…putting away the pocket watch and letting my focus rest upon creative endeavours that will feed my soul, soon enough the time will come when I yearn for these slow moments to return.

Man vs God…

Over the past few weeks there have been a series of visuals appear on TV…subtle reminders of the eternal struggle between man and creator and all it entails !

Being born into a Catholic household was an interesting experience, adhering to strict principals that were created by an unseen entity while fighting against the myriad of do’s and don’ts; questioning those around me didn’t seem to help as they struggled for answers themselves.

We have reached a crossroads it seems, technology and an ever changing world has forced the teachers to find new answers and simple parables won’t surfice…we demand more of those that stand before us as our guides.

 

Its not enough to hear “because its gods law”…like any relationship between father and son experience will win out over simple words or the way it used to be; change is a speeding train that few of us can control. Each of us struggle to understand our origins, some are quite happy living in a state of pure bliss, blind faith and the adoration of an unseen, all knowing force…I am not; I want to know in order to find my way !

God, it seems is being replaced. Little by little we lift the veils of secrecy that have led us along certain paths…we seek guidance now and desire an audience with this great and almighty god, a real conversation to better understand ?

In the early pages of the bible it describes the creation of this world, of man and woman and how we were created in his image and yet we were supposed to behave as he did…walk a particular path and trust in him and all he does…by learning more, seeing more, we seem to be turning away from the “because I say so” set of rules that have brought us to this point.

I certainly don’t have the answers to life and by no means can assist in furthering your journey forward but the one thing I will encourage you to do is question everything; let experience guide you, never settle for the word of another…as much as I would hope that everyone in this world and beyond will be truthful, honest and open, its not the case !

If we are created in his image then it is only natural that we go out into the universe and create as he did ?

For my part in this, I seek to walk a line that suits me, I have never set out to save the world as this is not my duty, my path, my journey. Each of us are responsible for being the light we are supposed to be. Do no harm to others and live as best you can with what you have…power and control over others will potentially lead you further away from your true being, the central core of who you are and who you were meant to be and truth will eventually find a crack in the wall and escape…

So seek and you will find your way home.

 

Control…Your’s, mine or…somebody else’s ?

Owning something or admitting to a particular thing is kinda the same thing…right ?

Okay, I am going to say it, I am a teeny weeny bit of a control freak !

I don’t like being wrong, but then who does ?

I also don’t like giving away my own personal power either; I see it happen on a daily basis and wonder how we arrived here…what on earth is wrong with us that its ok to agree to something when you know deep down its NOT ok ?

For the longest time I was the class clown, always going out of my way to amuse, to gain attention by any and all means possible so that others would like me, then I discovered the aspect of not being taken seriously…people would tire of the dog and pony show; eventually I got tired too.

At this point we start looking inwards, questioning our motives and the why’s and wherefore’s…don’t be to hard on yourself, but at the same time take responsibility for where you’re at right now !

There will be those that are stunned silent by the new you and the shiny new set of rules that come out of the box with you…that’s fine too, if they care, if they love you then they will understand the shift and what your going through and will wait it out keen to see the new, improved model.

To be honest, life’s complicated and nobody gets it right 100% of the time; but if you are honestly trying to do your best…by you and not by somebody else’s version of best then that’s all we can hope for.

Stop working so hard to improve…I know that sounds easy and I know its not; most of what I am saying is being said and has been said by far more qualified people than I, but I speak from my own personal experience, success is a bitter pill for me to swallow as I fear the double edged sword it comes with…arrogance being one; I don’t want to be that person !

So use a tried and true method….KISS !

Keep it simple, Stupid !

Learn from your mistakes, own your truth and follow your heart, trust me…it will lead you on an incredible journey.

Bird’s fly…

You stand in this space and become acutely aware everything has changed.

empty-nest

Everything is quiet and suddenly you are alone…your heart has nothing to say !

From the moment we enter this world we a surrounded by change, every moment of every day  is a step forward on this journey we know as life.

It is important to grieve losses of any kind…tears are a great cleanser for the soul; leaving us refreshed and open to the new.

Letting go can be a difficult experience but a necessary one, the order in which we grow is determined by how we behave, this should be viewed as part of the journey…our journey.

When a space opens up it gives room for new opportunity to exist, we should never lose sight of where we have been, the love that was there before and the constant ebb and flow of life; the tide comes in and the tide goes out.

So where to from here ?

Trust in the universe…take the time needed, rest, recover and step out into tomorrow !

Come back stronger…

0dccac923eb82780fb8bb13901908e1238063169a721b715ea16c17d2f90ecdf  I left the place of my birth in the eighties and yes there was good reason, in fact there were thousands of reasons; most of them personal…vowing never to return, never say never it seems !

After much discussion, rearranging of mental furniture the decision was made, stepping into the unknown as we did so many years before can be an interesting and challenging experience.

Being sensible was never something I was ever very good at, playing it safe was never an option.

When I left my life was a blank page, I had no sense of self and little or no confidence in my abilities; I had yet to learn a set of skills that would steer me in the right direction. I was fortunate to have people around to guide me, advise me, give me free reign to discover boundaries and where it was safe to tread.

I amit now that when I left I was weak, timid even and quite fearful of what was ahead; walking into a room full of strangers was an awkward and daunting experience…now it seems I am somewhat like a budgie with a mirror; chatting aways to anyone and everyone that will listen, even if it is only my own reflection…I care less about how others see me.

Confidence never comes easily and can never be taught, some say it can but I disagree. Reading people and situations is a skill I have developed and put to good use now as I move forward, each of us learn in our own unique way and in our own time.

In these challenging times ahead and shifting sands that is Europe, I am viewed as somewhat of a fool to walk back into such chaos…but this is where opportunity can be found; while others run around like headless chickens, I will seek out new adventures.

I am stronger now, and fear has no hold over me these days, give it an inch and it will take much more from you…stand strong, face the day and walk with purpose and the world will step to one side and leave you in peace.

Come back stronger and you will find what it is you seek !

Experience leaves assumption for dead…

Its been just over five years now and when the idea was first made public there was much scoffing and mumblings of a negative nature !

Birthday 1

Its funny how wrong some people can be ?

We walked into this town unknown and with little idea of what lay ahead…and look what we found !

There will always be those that sit upon high and cast their assumptions and aspersions out into the air for all to hear, rarely do these people have direct experience of the thing they are knocking down with their words, let alone the bravery to seek out the truth for themselves !

There has never been a day that we felt we made a mistake, we have explored every corner of this region and found treasure a plenty along the way; we also found love, family and a place to call home that will always remain in our hearts.

So why leave you ask ?

Everything has its time, its season and this chapter is coming to a close. There are new horizons to explore, new adventures to experience and new paths to traverse.

To this day I will never understand the holier than thou attitude of some, we came here looking for adventure and we found it…we also came with an open mind and discovered this aspect reflected back to us among those we met along the way; these people will be with us forever, no more than a thought away.

When you look for something…really look, you will find it, the trick is never to hold onto it; let it fill you then release it so that others may experience the same joy. Holding on with a firm grip will see a thing slip through the cracks in your fingers and it will be lost to you forever.

I feel we are stronger now, more able to face the challenges of tomorrow and its because of what we discovered in this place, what we discovered about ourselves…we hope in turn that others will seek out adventure as we did and live each day as it comes.

I do wonder what it is about the things people say…maybe its like a “DO NOT TOUCH” sign, I just can’t help myself; knowing every time experience good or bad is a far better thing than assumption !